Introducing my Bully, Annie

Her Taunting is Unrelenting and Debilitating

Photo by Road Ahead on Unsplash

Psychology Today reports that “Bullying is a distinctive pattern of repeatedly and deliberately harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are smaller, weaker, younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully.

Annie is my bully and tormentor. She notices everything I do and always has a sarcastic comment. Her verbal attacks are snarky and mean-spirited.

Saying Annie is unfriendly would be an understatement. She is cruel and appears to take pleasure in my pain.

I think it is safe to say Annie has Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is the umbrella term that covers both sociopaths and psychopaths. She fits the mold.

Antisocial personality disorder, often abbreviated to ASPD, is a cluster B personality disorder. These types of personality disorders present as dramatic, erratic, overly emotional, and unpredictable.

Several characteristics are associated with ASPD, but the ones that Annie exhibits most are her lack of empathy and disregard for others’ feelings, needs, and wants.

She enjoys knowing she is hurting my feelings and disregarding my needs.

Annie takes pride in her ability to emotionally harm me in such a way that no one else notices.

She is extraordinarily sneaky, and when I complain, she acts like she has no idea what I’m talking about. She is excellent at playing innocent.

Annie also has zero remorse for her actions despite the harm and pain they cause.

When I get upset at her and attempt to stand up for myself, Annie is quick to manipulate the situation and cause me to think I’ve created the problem myself.

She is an expert at distorting the facts, so I believe she’s done nothing wrong, and my perceptions are incorrect. I end up feeling like I’m going crazy.

I did more research on ASPD, and of the disorders listed, I feel that a psychopath describes Annie the best.

A psychopath might dote on someone and make them feel loved, but their intent is to manipulate them or use them in some way.

That definition is accurate. Annie acts extremely loving, convincing me she will care for me while ensuring we are stronger if we stay together.

Annie’s love and attention are so all-encompassing that I feel I will die without her. On my own, I am too weak to thrive in this world.

She is continuously brainwashing me into believing I cannot succeed on my own and that I need her to have a happy life. That without her, I would be in danger.

I go through a confusing array of emotions. I want to be cared for, nurtured, and kept safe, yet I am told I am unlovable because I don’t listen or follow her instructions to perfection.

She dangles my security just beyond my reach. I need to follow Annie, love Annie, listen carefully to Annie and no one else, and then I’ll be safe.

If I argue with her, she twists the emotional knife, and my soul starts bleeding.

When this happens, I’m always shocked and bewildered. I think to myself, what just happened? Everything was fine, and now I’m writhing in pain and feeling like I am too damaged and broken to be loved.

I need help to stand up against Annie and kick her out of my life for good, regardless of the manipulations and emotional pain that will result in saying goodbye to her forever.

I know I can’t do this on my own. I need the support of people who know how to deal with bullies like Annie before she obliterates me.

The truth about Annie

Annie is my Anorexia.

She is attempting to destroy me, but my therapists and medical team won’t allow me to lose this battle. They are gathered by my side, giving me the strength and knowledge to stand against my bully.