Thank you, Suma Narayan, for the list of prompts this week. I have chosen to focus on a time when healing began, driven by the hope that came with a forced change. Without this change, I am uncertain whether I would still be able to teach.
I have often written about my experiences as a Special Education teacher. I didn’t begin teaching until I was 50 years old. Prior to that, I raised three children, including a son with Down syndrome, to adulthood, and worked as an instructional assistant in special education for many years.
However, teaching is a completely different challenge, especially in today’s world. I was not prepared.
Over the past 13 years, I have worked at five different public schools within two school districts, as well as at two charter school locations.
Each school was very different. During my first year of teaching, I worked with students with severe disabilities who were very young. Some of these children were so medically fragile that it was terrifying.
I often found myself questioning, "What am I doing here? I don’t know how to do this." That year was quite challenging, and ultimately, they decided not to ask me back. I was not off to a good start in my teaching career.
I worked at a charter school for several years, and during that time, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. To be closer to my family and support system, I decided to relocate and transfer to a different school location near my new home.
I was frustrated by the lack of union protection while at the charter school, especially because I was not treated well when I needed to take leave for my cancer treatment. It was a challenging experience, so I decided to leave and find a job at a public school.
I have spent the remainder of my teaching career in the same district, working with students with mild-to-moderate and moderate-to-severe disabilities.
During these years, I have taught all grade levels, transitional kindergarten to eighth grade, with the majority of my experience being with middle school students.
Teaching Middle School
I initially thought I enjoyed working with middle school students because I share a sarcastic sense of humor with them. I knew we would understand each other.
However, I soon faced significant behavioral challenges with my students, many of whom were physically larger than I am. They often displayed extreme defiance and would refuse to comply with my requests, which felt quite threatening at times. They did not want to be in my RSP (Resource Support Program) class.
They generally came into my classroom full of resentment, and their anger was palpable. It was my responsibility to find a way to work with them despite these difficulties. This experience was not only challenging but also frightening and incredibly frustrating.
Over the years, the stress became overwhelming, and I ended up going on disability several times. My mental health struggled to cope with the pressure.
I would work for most of the year, but eventually, I would reach a point where I needed to go into a concentrated therapy program to regain my sanity. This happened more often than not.
The change that brought hope and healing.
When I started the 2023–2024 school year, I was already mentally drained. Then, after just a few weeks into the new year, I had a mental breakdown.
I became extremely triggered by one of the older students, who was significantly larger than I am and very angry. I went home after a particularly scary incident and collapsed. I would not go back.
I reached my breaking point and realized I could no longer continue with my current situation.
At the time, I was in my early 60s, and my mental health was struggling to cope. I also underwent shoulder surgery, which caused my leave to extend much longer than I had anticipated. Ultimately, I ended up being away for the rest of the school year.